i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
