My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
