ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
