I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
