So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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