you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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