he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
