My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
