Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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