MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
