so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
