Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
