I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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