Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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