But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
