My sheets look like a crime scene.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
