Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
