Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
