watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
