Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
