i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Randomize
