Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i think my tv is drunk
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
