This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
