BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
