decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
