you guys were way drunker than both of me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
