I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
