She is in my trunk
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
im six kinds of drunk right now
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
