New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
