Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
