planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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