also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
