i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
