Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
