So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
