Pappa wants mamma naked
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
