i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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