Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
