absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
