You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
