I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
