Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
