I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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