highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
