so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
