I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
honey bunches of taint.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
