i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
