im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i think i just lost a toe
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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