dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
