I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
