And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
two words...techno handjob
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
