Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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